Learn how to stop overthinking at night with simple relaxation techniques to calm your mind, reduce stress, and enjoy better sleep.
It’s 2:07 AM, and I’m still up re-playing in my head a conversation that took place three days ago. I don’t remember everything that was discussed, but I definitely remember the awkward sentence I said. My brain seems determined to continue playing it over and over again, almost like a song that I never requested—a familiar experience in today’s Culture & Trends of constant mental stimulation and overthinking.
Are you having a similar experience? If you are looking for ways to avoid thinking too much while trying to fall asleep, then I believe you have experienced this before. Your brain may be running through your to-do list for tomorrow, replaying an argument, or creating “what-if” scenarios that become more crazy as time goes on. No matter what kind of thinking you do, the outcome will be the same — you’ll be tired, awake and the clock will continue to move forward.
I lived that way for years. I am neither a physician nor a therapist, but simply an individual that was fed up with losing rest due to their own thought processes and attempted to find out what truly helps. What I have discovered is what I would tell a friend that sent me a text message at 12:00 am stating, “Help, my brain won’t shut up.”
Are you short on time? Try those three first.
If you are reading this while laying in bed right now, then here is the abbreviated version:
⦁ Put your thoughts down on paper. Three messy lines will do.
⦁ Try methodical breathing. Inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8.
⦁ Do a” cognitive shuffle.” Think of random, unrelated words to quiet the loop.
Want the full picture? Uphold reading. I’ll navigate you through each one.
Why Does Overthinking Get Louder at Night?
Here’s something that made me feel a lot better: it’s not just you.
Your brain works hard during the day. You have meetings, you send/receive messages, you do errands, and you are surrounded by noise. This is all “background music” to help drown out your internal thoughts. At night, when you turn off the lights and eliminate all other distractions, the volume on your internal thoughts will be turned up.
Think of it as a home during the day as opposed to a home at 3:00 am. During the day, you will not be aware of the refrigerator’s hum or the pipe’s tick. At night, when there is complete silence, you will hear each individual sound and your brain will treat each sound as if it were an emergency. The issues that are worrying you have been present throughout the entire time. It is only now that you have the time to recognize those issues.
Stress, an incomplete to-do list and too much screen-time prior to going to sleep will each help ignite the fire. When you understand that, it is much simpler for you to stop thinking of this issue as a failure on your part and begin to view it as something that you can fix.
Empty Your Mind Prior to Sleeping
For me, this was the first technique that helped me make progress, and to be honest, it is still one of my favorite methods.
I used to believe I could keep all things in my mind. From reminders and anxieties to unformed thoughts. It turned out, however, that my brain was so worried about forgetting anything, it never let go of anything. Therefore, I began keeping a notebook near my bedside. Every night prior to going to sleep (usually one hour), I write down whatever is racing through my head. I have no specific format for writing down my thoughts, nor do I worry about having perfect penmanship, and most importantly, I do not judge myself for what I am writing.
Here’s how to do it:
1. Set a timer for five or ten minutes.
2. Write whatever comes to mind: tasks, worries, random thoughts.
3. Next to anything you can act on, jot down one small next step.
“Close the computer and tell me what you did today,” I told myself. “I have all of my work for tomorrow ready.” That sounds almost too easy. Once you write down your thoughts, your brain knows that it no longer needs to keep guard over them.
Schedule a “Worry Time” daily.
This idea seemed ridiculous when I first heard of it. To schedule a time to worry? On purpose?
And it works. Instead of having anxious thoughts surprise me when I am trying to sleep, I create a specific time during the evening (about 15 minutes), with a hot beverage, where I can focus on anything I want. Once the alarm goes off, I stop.
The magical part comes after the fact. If you have a concern or problem arise during the night, you can simply tell yourself “no, that is for tomorrow’s time to worry.” As a result, your brain begins to believe that your problems will be addressed, which means your brain no longer screams for help in the middle of the night.
I was always skeptical about breathing exercises, but during a very difficult night, I used the 4-7-8 Breathing Technique.
Here’s the pattern:
⦁ Breathe in through your nose for 4 seconds.
⦁ Hold your breath for 7 seconds.
⦁ Breathe out slowly through your mouth for 8 seconds.
⦁ Repeat for four rounds.
Systematically extended exhalation signals to your body that it is safe to relax. Think of this process as being similar to gently pressing the brake pedal on a car traveling at high speed down a hill. While you may not immediately come to a complete halt, you will reduce your momentum significantly enough to be able to control your vehicle.
Use the Cognitive Shuffle
This one is a bit weird, and I love it.
Pick an arbitrary word (such as “blanket”), and then generate as many unrelated words as possible using the initial letter of each: B… Bicycle, Banana, Bridge. L… Lamp, Lemon, Ladder. Visualize each object for a short period of time prior to proceeding.
The reason why this technique is so effective is because your brain cannot simply “spin” a worrisome scenario when it is being asked to imagine a lemon next to a ladder. This technique breaks the cycle of negative thoughts by creating random images which are similar to the way we think when we first fall asleep – dream-like and scattered. This process is very much like turning off a stressful news program and turning on static.
Sometimes when I’m overthinking, it’s not only happening in my brain. My teeth are being ground together, my shoulder blades are lifted toward my ear lobes, and I didn’t realize that either.
Progressive muscle relaxation is an easy way to relax. For about five seconds on every muscle group starting with the toes, you will need to tighten the muscle group, and then release it. You can do this with your calf muscles, thigh muscles, abdominal muscles, hand muscles, shoulder muscles and facial muscles. Once you get to your forehead, most people feel very intensely and calmly, and their minds tend to pay attention.
Get Out of Bed if You Are Trapped
This is contrary to what we would normally do, however hear me out.
After 20 minutes of being awake and watching the ceiling while growing increasingly frustrated with every passing minute, you should consider getting out of your bed. For many years I would force myself to remain in bed because I thought it was the right decision. What this did was train my brain to associate my bed with stress.
Now, when I’m ready to sleep, I’ll go into a dark room and find something relaxing to do (read, meditate, etc.), stretch out slowly until I start to feel tired again. At that point, no phone, no bright lights, no emails. After that, I will return to bed. It took some time for me to get my brain to associate the bed with sleeping rather than going crazy.
Develop a “Wind Down” Routine
Just as you cannot quickly stop at 70 mph without causing damage to the vehicle, you also can’t immediately slow down your brain after working intensely.
⦁ I put my cell phone to charge at least 45 minutes before going to sleep.
⦁ Lights get dimmed.
⦁ I take a warm shower or wash my face.
⦁ I will read a few pages from a paperback book. The book will typically be one that I have read before and is somewhat familiar/comfortable to me.
What matters most is the consistency of what you are doing each day. As you consistently use the same cues prior to going to sleep, your body will begin to recognize those cues as signals that it is time for you to go to sleep.
Monitor Your Consumption of Caffeine and Usage of Screens
This was a tough pill for me to swallow because I love coffee. However, after monitoring when I had my final cup of coffee each day, I realized that my 4 p.m. cup was quietly affecting the quality of sleep I received. Since caffeine can stay in your body for several hours, I adjusted the time of my final cup to prior to 12:00 p.m.
Another cause of sleeplessness was screens. Going through news or social media right before you go to sleep will essentially feed a brain that is already working hard. Each headline you read will provide your brain with something different to think about. Reading a book instead of using my phone has been one of the greatest switches that I have ever done.
This last one is likely the most important; however, it was also the slowest for me to understand.
For many years, I would get angry with myself because I could not fall asleep. I would ask myself, “Why can’t I just shut this down?” The additional pressure created from my frustration made matters worse. It was similar to attempting to put out a fire by yelling at it.
Now when my thoughts start running through my head, I use the same language I would use with a friend. “Alright, this is going to be a tough night. This is a common occurrence. I am going to try and get some sleep tonight, even though it may be difficult.” By reducing the amount of pressure that those thoughts put on me, it significantly reduces the amount of control they have over me. Interestingly enough, that is usually when sleep creeps up on me.
When Should You Get Help?
I will start off by being honest with you: these tips worked for me; however, they do not provide a “cure” to everything. If you are having trouble falling asleep at night due to overthinking, and this occurs nearly every single day, if this is negatively impacting your mood or performance at work, or if you consistently experience feelings of anxiety, it may be time to seek assistance from either a medical practitioner or a mental health specialist. It is nothing to be ashamed of. At times, we all need some additional support, and seeking that support is an indication of strength rather than weakness.
Why am I overthinking more during the night?
When there are less things to distract you and the environment is quieter, you have a better chance of thinking about all those worries that you put off during the day. This problem can be made worse by things such as being tired, stressed, or using screens.
Is overthinking at night always an indicator of anxiety?
Not necessarily. Overthinking at night is relatively common. However, if you are overthinking on a regular basis, the intensity is high, and you find it difficult to stop overthinking; then this could indicate a possible link to anxiety and seeking advice from a professional would be helpful.
Overthinking at night can be stopped by several different means, such as; simple breathing techniques, which can work in minutes; or long-term habit changes, including a “wind down” routine prior to going to bed, that take a few weeks to produce results.
For many people, writing in a journal does help with overthinking. When you write about what you’re thinking, you are able to get those thoughts out of your head, which lets your brain know that it no longer needs to store them.
The journey to stopping overthinking at night did not occur quickly for me (pun intended). There were many unsuccessful nights even when I began using the techniques. However, gradually, the cycle of thinking became less frequent, the nights became more peaceful, and I was able to begin to look forward to going to sleep each evening.
There is no need to make all of the changes all at once. Select one or two areas that you believe you can handle and give those a fair chance for about a week. You will then see the results. Your brain is not damaged; it simply requires some assistance in order to learn how to turn off. Give yourself time and have a good night’s sleep.
Additional Resources:
- NHS – Tackling Your Worries Learn practical CBT techniques to manage racing thoughts, reduce worry, and calm your mind before bedtime.
- NHLBI – Insomnia Treatment Explore evidence-based insomnia treatments, healthy sleep habits, and cognitive behavioral therapy for better sleep.
