Explore Paternal Grandparents vs Maternal Grandparents: Differences in love, culture, and emotional family bonds.
I still remember the smell of my dadi’s handmade parathas wafting through the courtyard every Sunday morning — the kind that could make even the sleepiest grandchild leap out of bed. She was firm, no-nonsense, and deeply proud of family traditions that beautifully reflect our Culture & Trends. Then, there was my nani — gentle, chatty, and always ready with a story (and a snack).
Growing up… I often felt like I lived in two different worlds. One where everything was disciplined and proper … that was dadi’s domain. And another where laughter came easy… rules bent a little… and love was soft like warm roti … nani’s home.
It wasn’t until years later that I realized I wasn’t alone in noticing this difference. Around the world … and especially in South Asian families … there’s a subtle… fascinating distinction between Paternal Grandparents vs Maternal Grandparents.
This article dives deep into those differences … not to compare love… but to understand it. We’ll look at emotional dynamics… cultural roots… research insights… and the beautiful balance both sides bring into a child’s life.
Understanding the Basics: Who’s Who in the Family Tree
Let’s start simple.
Paternal grandparents = Your father’s parents (Dada & Dadi in Urdu/Hindi).
Maternal grandparents = Your mother’s parents (Nana & Nani).
At first glance… it sounds purely genealogical. But in reality… these relationships often carry distinct emotional tones and cultural expectations.
In many South Asian households… lineage and inheritance traditionally pass through the paternal line… giving the father’s side more formal authority. On the other hand… the mother’s side often plays a softer… more nurturing role … offering emotional support… especially to new mothers and children.
It’s like having two different flavors of love: one steeped in tradition and identity… the other flowing with comfort and emotional closeness. This dynamic defines Paternal Grandparents vs Maternal Grandparents relationships beautifully.
A Cultural Lens: Why These Differences Exist
Culture shapes family roles in powerful… often invisible ways.
In patrilineal societies (like Pakistan… India… or Nepal)… the paternal line holds the family name… property rights, and social authority. When a woman marries, she traditionally moves into her husband’s household … meaning children grow up closer to the paternal grandparents in terms of physical space.
But emotionally? The maternal grandparents often remain a deep source of warmth, support, and familiarity.
I remember my own mother saying, “Nani ka ghar dil ka ghar hota hai” … Grandmother’s home (on the mother’s side) is the home of the heart. And in so many ways, that’s true.
Because mothers maintain close contact with their own parents even after marriage, children often grow up visiting their maternal side more freely … the atmosphere there tends to be less rigid, more indulgent.
Meanwhile, the paternal home is the place of values, discipline, and family legacy … where traditions are passed down like heirlooms. These cultural contrasts explain much about Paternal Grandparents vs Maternal Grandparents bonds in traditional and modern families alike.
The Research Perspective: What Studies Reveal
Modern research gives fascinating insight into how these two sets of grandparents influence a child’s growth and well being.
Grandmother Involvement and Child Development (Pakistan, 2020)
A study from the Bachpan Cohort in rural Pakistan found that nearly 68% of children lived with a grandmother… and her involvement significantly improved cognitive and socio-emotional development.
“High grandmother involvement was associated with improved fine motor skills and social development at 24 months.” … Bachpan Cohort Study, 2020
Interestingly, this caregiving role wasn’t limited to the maternal side … paternal grandmothers, who often live in the same household, played a crucial part in daily childcare.
Maternal vs Paternal Support in Family Stress Situations
Another 2022 study published on Phys.org revealed that maternal grandparents tend to provide more consistent emotional and financial support during times of family stress … such as divorce or economic hardship.
Paternal grandparents’ involvement, by contrast, sometimes decreased when the parental relationship broke down … highlighting how the mother’s kinship network often remains a child’s emotional anchor.
Empowered Mothers and Grandmothers in Punjab (Arif et al., 2023)
A Pakistan-based study discovered that when grandmothers co-reside, children’s nutritional scores increase.
“Weight-for-age z-scores improved by 0.098 SD when grandmothers were present in the household.”
Even more fascinating: the effects differed by gender.
- Mothers’ empowerment most benefited girls’ health.
- Grandmothers’ presence boosted boys’ nutritional outcomes, especially in rural families.
This beautifully illustrates how both sides … maternal and paternal … contribute differently but meaningfully to a child’s growth … and supports deeper understanding of Paternal Grandparents vs Maternal Grandparents dynamics.
The Emotional Dynamics: Two Distinct Worlds of Love
If I were to describe my dadi’s love, I’d call it structured affection. She showed love through action … a perfectly folded uniform, a hot meal, an unspoken pride when we achieved something.
Nani’s love, though, was expressive affection. She’d call just to ask if I’d eaten… cry at the airport… and tell stories that made me laugh till my sides hurt.
These patterns aren’t accidental … they reflect how emotional expressions differ across generations and family lines.
Paternal Grandparents: The Keepers of Legacy
Paternal grandparents often see themselves as guardians of the family’s reputation and moral framework. They pass down traditions… discipline, and values … acting as living links to ancestry.
In South Asian households, it’s often the dadi who supervises daily routines and reinforces respect, modesty, and family etiquette.
That doesn’t mean they lack warmth … their affection just wears a more formal cloak. A quiet pride replaces overt expressions of love.
Maternal Grandparents: The Emotional Anchors
Maternal grandparents, on the other hand, tend to occupy the comfort zone. They’re often less bound by household hierarchies … especially since children don’t live with them full-time.
This creates a space for freedom, storytelling, and gentle spoiling. They are the ones who whisper, “Chhoro, bachcha hai,” when parents scold too harshly.
Evolutionary psychologists even suggest a biological basis for this closeness: Since a mother is always certain of her child’s genetic link (unlike a father), maternal grandparents have greater genetic assurance, making them more emotionally invested in their daughter’s children.
It’s science meeting love … a rare and beautiful mix that enhances our understanding of Paternal Grandparents vs Maternal Grandparents relationships.
When Family Dynamics Shift: Modern Changes
Today’s families look very different from those of our grandparents’ time.
Urbanization… smaller homes, and migration have reshaped family roles. Many young couples now live in nuclear setups, meaning grandparents … both paternal and maternal … often connect virtually rather than in person.
Still, emotional closeness doesn’t fade with distance. WhatsApp calls, FaceTime, and shared family groups keep the bond alive … proving that connection isn’t always about proximity; it’s about consistency.
Interestingly, maternal grandparents still tend to maintain more regular contact, often because mothers act as the bridge between the two families.
That said, many modern paternal grandparents are evolving too … becoming more emotionally expressive, adaptive, and tech-savvy in how they engage with grandchildren.
Social Expectations and Family Roles
In traditional South Asian culture, paternal grandparents are often expected to hold authority … they’re respected, sometimes even revered. The paternal grandmother might have strong opinions about parenting, food habits, or household management.
Meanwhile, maternal grandparents usually play a more supportive, advisory role … visiting, helping, and emotionally backing up their daughter.
It’s almost like paternal grandparents carry the weight of continuity, while maternal grandparents carry the weight of care.
Both roles are vital … but sometimes, they can clash.
I’ve seen friends struggle when their parents and in-laws had different ideas about raising a child. Navigating those differences requires empathy, communication, and a shared understanding that both sides love the child … just in different ways.
The Author’s Reflection: Between Dadi’s Rules and Nani’s Warmth
If I close my eyes, I can still hear dadi calling my name in her strong, steady voice … the kind that made me stand up a little straighter. She believed in respect, in routines, in doing things “the right way.”
But when I’d visit nani’s home, everything softened. She’d sit beside me, listen to my school stories, and tell me how her childhood looked without electricity or smartphones. Her laughter filled the room like sunlight.
And maybe that’s the beauty of it … one side teaches you who you are, the other reminds you how to love who you are.
Both are equally necessary. Both, in their own way, shape your identity.
Lessons We Can Learn from Both Sides
Here’s what life … and research … have taught me:
- From paternal grandparents, we learn resilience, discipline, and pride in our roots.
- From maternal grandparents, we learn empathy, softness, and emotional balance.
Together, they represent two halves of wholeness … the spine and the heart of the family. A child lucky enough to experience both worlds gains something profound: a foundation that’s firm yet tender.
A Cultural Bridge: Bringing Both Sides Together
In many families, there’s an invisible competition between both sides … who gets more time, more visits, more influence. But that competition is unnecessary.
Imagine if both sides collaborated … dadi teaching family traditions, and nani adding emotional understanding. The result? A child raised with heritage and heart.
Parents today can play a vital role in building this bridge:
- Encourage joint family activities … festivals, birthdays, or online story sessions.
- Celebrate both sides equally.
- Let children know that love doesn’t have “sides.”
Because the truth is: a grandparent’s love isn’t about possession … it’s about legacy and nurture blending together.
Key Takings
- At the end of the day, the comparison between Paternal Grandparents vs Maternal Grandparents isn’t about who loves more … it’s about how they love differently.
- Your dadi might express love through discipline and duty.
- Your nani might show it through affection and comfort.
- Both, in their own language, say the same thing: “You are ours.”
- As I look back on my own childhood, I realize how those two worlds shaped me … one taught me how to stand tall, the other taught me how to stay kind.
- And maybe, that’s the secret every child deserves … to grow up surrounded by both the roots of tradition and the wings of love
Additional Resources
The Contribution of Grandmother: A research study conducted in rural Pakistan that found grandmother involvement,both maternal and paternal,positively impacts children’s cognitive, motor, and socio-emotional development.
Maternal vs Paternal Grandparents: A FirstCry Parenting feature offering an accessible overview of the emotional, social, and cultural differences between maternal and paternal grandparents, especially in Asian family settings.
